I went through a breakup recently. A bad one. A snotty, ugly cry, chest heaving, 3am mac and cheese eating sort of breakup. We had talked about marriage, kids, an SUV. Even (poorly) named our children (Elizabeth and Clay, in case you were wondering). But we parted ways.
It broke me.
I've always been a poor griever. I've experience a lot of loss in my life - and the grief I felt in this instance replayed old tracks I didn't wish to hear. I turned to mediation, books, friends. An old standby of mine had always been TedTalks. I opened my youtube app and searched "tedtalk - breakup."
The first one I watched was 12 minutes. And in that 12 minutes - the message was clear. Hope prevents you from moving forward. You're in a state of withdrawal when you break up with someone - and your brain seeks to replenish that dopamine supply. How? Re-living memories by looking at old photos, texts, social media accounts.
Every indulgence sends a signal to your brain of how happy you were.
When you're done - you fall back to reality - ever farther away from feeling whole. And the cycle repeats.
In this case - that path is closed. It's done. Your partner is no longer yours. Imagine a giant landslide completely covering that mountain pass.
It's no longer a route you can take. Hope tricks you into believing you can. And from looking for another path.
From a coaching standpoint - we waste energy on paths that are blocked, or paths that don't take us to where we want to go. Our brain indulges us. By working together, we can figure out what paths take you to where you want to go, or where hope is failing you. Let's be realistic here. A coach can help you see around that mountain pass - to the hundreds of paths that lie waiting for you.
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